Wife Never Give Blowjob To Husband
A married couple is celebrating 50 years of marriage. He had taken her to dinner and dancing to celebrate. They were reflecting over the past 50 years.
She said, “You have given me everything that any woman could desire, 2 beautiful children that grew up and became a doctor and a lawyer. A beautiful home and a new car every three years.
The kids have given us grandchildren, and we love them too death. If there is anything I haven’t given you, all you need do is ask.”
“Well, the husband says, there is one thing.”
“What is that,” says the wife?
“A blow job,” says the husband.
The wife thinks for a moment and says, “I have never given you a blow job, because I didn’t think you would respect me after that. But, since we have been together 50 years, surely you would respect me now, so OK.”
So she unzips his pants, pulls out his penis and proceeds to give him a blow job. Just as she finishes and wipes her chin, the phone rings.
The husbands answers and says, “Yes, right here. Hold on a moment. Here, cocksucker, it’s for you.”
Her First Time
The man asks the girl if she’s afraid and she shakes her head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and she shivers; her body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.
He looks deeply within her eyes and tells her to trust him-he’s done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes her and she opens wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. She begins to plead and begs him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, she feels the tissue gives way; pain surges throughout her body and she feels the slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at her concerned and asks her if it’s too painful. Her eyes are filled with tears but she shakes her head and nods for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but she is now too numb to feel him within her.
After a few moments, she feels something bursting within her and he pulls it out of her, she lays panting, glad to have it over. He looks at her and smiling warmly, tells her, with a chuckle; that she has been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
She smiles and thanks the dentist. After all, it was her first time to have a tooth pulled.
Door To Door
A salesman is going door to door. At one house a snotty little brat answers the door.
“Tell you what,” he says to the salesman, “I can persuade my parents to buy pretty well anything. If you can do everything I can do, I’ll talk them into buying something. If you lose, then you give £10.00.”
Figuring that there’s no way a nine-year-old brat could outsmart him, the salesman agrees to the deal. Immediately, the kid climbs up the drainpipe and hops onto the flat roof. The salesman does exactly the same.
The kid then runs across the roof, does a triple cartwheel and lands in the back garden, with the salesman following suit.
Then the kid runs to where his teenage sister is sunbathing, topless. He rushes over to her and kisses her on the left breast. Not to be outdone, the salesman leaps over and does the same.
The kid then gropes both his sisters tits. So does the salesman. Then the kid pulls down her bikini bottoms and licks her pussy, the salesman does likewise.
THEN the brat pulls out his dick, wraps it round his little finger, and says, “Where’s my tenner …”
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”
“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”
“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”
“Well, screw him!” said John.
“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”
A guy is walking beside a lake when he sees a flying saucer swoop overhead, and crash in to the water. In the wreckage that floats to the surface, he sees a body, so he dives in to pull it ashore.
It turns out to be a beautiful, green skinned alien babe in a skintight silver spacesuit. He gives her mouth to mouth, and unzips her suit to help her breathe.
“Oh thank you, human, you’ve saved my life!” she gasps. Then seeing the guy staring at her exposed, green skinned tits, she smiles shyly.
“On my planet we call these ‘breasts’…do you like them?”
The guy nods, speechless, as the ET beauty arches her back, fingertips stroking the jutting emerald buds atop her firm boobs.
“These, we call ‘nipples she gasps, before unzipping her spacesuit all the way down.
and this, on my world, is called a pussy she croons, revealing her lovely. bald, smooth green snatch.
Unable to contain himself the guy tugs down his fly and pulls out his cock.
“What do you call this on your world?” he gasps.
“I don’t know” the alien babe frowns. “But if it were green and eight inches longer, it would be a cock.”
e they made Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that His employer was going through a process of corporate Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find Another position that paid anywhere near what He’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued By the bank which were worth over $2 million, And informed him that they Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than Three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!’